not running
by breeshell
Summary: Doesn't everyone deserve a second chance? Spoilers for 5x19


warning: major 5x19 spoiler

* * *

**not running**

It hurt at first, the silver blade that Lucifer had to work and struggle to get through his younger brother's beating vessel heart. Gabriel looked up and saw the the mixture of emotions in his brother's face, angry, pride, but at the same time, regret, sadness. Next is a bright light. White and blue, hot and cold all at the same time. The smell of ash, the whooshing of air over his ears.

When he opens his eyes he's on his back and staring at the sky, large trees hovering over him. He blinks a few times and sits up, his hands pressing into fallen leaves. He looks around. No birds, no sign of life. He touches his chest, where Lucifer had struck, true at his mark. There is a dull sting, a thick scar. He's still in his human vessel.

He stands up, dusts the leaves and grass off his body, stretches his invisible wings. "Hello?" No answer, no whispering of the others, for the first time in 2000 years, there is silence in his head, so he walks. He walks for what seems to be hours (though what is time really to the dead?) until finding a path and then he follows that. He wonders, of course, where he is, how he got there. There should be no more Gabriel, no more Trickster or menacing Loki. The blade was meant to destroy the soul and body of the angels. You become nothing, you become dust, returning to the Earth. No one knows what happens after that.

As he continues his wandering, he hopes that Dean and Sam have the DVD, that his message came across. It would be hard, so hard to get Lucifer back to the cage. He himself wasn't able to trick the Devil, maybe the brothers would find a way. Strangely enough he also begins to crave candy again.

One more hour of walking, until he comes across a garden, a beautiful lush green garden, with flames at the gates. He smiles and passes under the arch of the entrance, moving past the flames without a singe.

"Gabriel," Joshua says with a smile. "It's been a long time."

Gabriel returns the smile and shakes the older man's hand. "Yeah."

Joshua tends the garden as they speak, clipping some branches, picking up fallen leaves. Gabriel walks with his hands in his pockets. "Your father spoke to me," he says. The angel raises an eyebrow. "Wants to see you."

"Really?" he doesn't believe. Dear old Dad hadn't spoken to anyone in years, besides the gardener.

"Oh yes. Just follow the path." That's all Joshua says and he goes back to clipping. Gabriel does as he is told. More walking, and he stretches his wings again. He can't shed the vessel; he'd love to be in his true form again, if even for a little bit. After the stabbing, it feels constrained, a cage.

At the end of the path there is a water fountain; large made of marble, lily pads in the water, wild koi swimming just under the surface. He dips a finger in, lightly touches the top of a passing fish. A woman appears, dressed in blue and white, long beautiful brown hair in a braid. She dips a container in the water. His heart pangs; she's as beautiful now as he's always remembered. "Hello, Gabriel." She smiles.

"Mother," he says aghast. Mary the Mother became the mother of them all after Dad chose her to be the mother of the Savior. She goes to him on the other side of the fountain and touches the sides of his face. Her palms are warm against his cold skin. Tears escape his eyes, trailing over her fingers.

"I am so proud of you," she says and kisses his forehead. A twig snaps and she looks back. "He approaches." She disappears.

There is another bright light as Father silently moves closer. Gabriel kneels, waiting for wrath; and why shouldn't it come? He ran away centuries ago, was coward, worshiped as a demi-god. Inside he shudders, but is as still as possible. "Father."

When God speaks, even to the angels, it is not like any Earthy sound. It's whispers, mixtures of the sound of the ocean and the winds of the plains. "Out of all my sons," he begins. "You understand."

Gabriel doesn't dare look up, not unless asked. "I tried," Gabriel explains. "I've given the Winchesters...guidance."

"Yes," God agrees. "Be more careful this time."

Gabriel scrunches his face and looks up, fully seeing Father again in his truest form. He's everything and nothing; air and water, the trees and the animals, the sun and the great oceans. "Pardon?"

"Goodbye, my son." He reaches out and touches Gabriel on the forehead.

Another flash of light, brighter than the entrance of heaven, blue and purple. There's no fire this time. He falls to Earth, through the clouds. He closes his eyes before the impact, which he doesn't feel. He coughs as air rushes into his lungs as he opens his eyes, staring at a ceiling. The air is stiff, all is silent with the exception of the low hum of overhead lights.

He sits up, pressing his hands into the ash that his wings had left behind. He looks at his palms, then moves the hands to feel his chest again. Like in heaven, there is a scar. His blade rests a few feet away, covered in blood. Lucifer is gone.

Gabriel stands moves to pick up the blade and puts it back in his jacket. He cracks his knuckles. He can't find the Winchesters, not right now, not with those damn marks on the ribs. "Well," he says to himself as he walks out of the banquet room, then down the hall over the empty dead vessels of the lesser gods.

Outside the sun is rising. The Impala is gone, the hotel has gone back to its real shabby shape. He conjures up a pair of sunglasses for himself, which causes a new pain to ripple inside him; its like the first time he left. He stretches the wings again, feeling a little more free down on this plane of existence.

Fight's on.


End file.
